Hello Casual ft Ruby & Lilli

My girls at Ruby & Lilli are coming back to Melbourne! YAAS! Since I've been a bit MIA on social media I'm a little bit delayed with my intake of news haha
Ruby & Lilli will be at the A+ Markets being held at Queen Victoria Market. Here's the facebook event link for anyone interested in coming along.








This tee is currently on sale along with a whole bunch of their classic tees and I. AM. DYINGGGG. There are like 6 tees that I'm dying to get that are also on sale. My bank account is just there like 'pls don't, you've been so good'..Idk. I might just wait til the A+ Markets...But we'll see haha








What's my blog without a little bit of Kitengi? She's my lil sweetheart that can be a bit camera shy but she was all about the cuddles this time.

Tee: Ruby & Lilli  //  Jeans: Forever 21  //  Thongs: Havianas

Red, White and Blue

Oh the joys of being pregnant. Your immune system turns to crap and even if you so much as look at someone with a cold, BAM! You've caught it. I'm a sniffly, gross mess right now so I figured it would make me feel slightly less crappy posting a summery OOTD from a time where I wasn't a snifflebag.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice something in order to make your outfit feel whole. In this case, I sacrificed a practical handbag so I could wear this one that barely fits my phone and purse. Worth it.

These photos were taken not very long ago when I was a little less pregnant and a little more fat and the sun could set your skin on fire. I don't miss the heat but I do miss it being warm enough to wear dresses with bare legs. Most of the time I forget that there are still a lot of plus size girls that have a fear of showing their bare legs. I guess I got so comfortable in my body that I can be a little ignorant to peoples insecurities and expect them to love their beautiful selves like they deserve to. It's a process that can take time. Sometimes a lot of time. I forget the insecurities I had growing up. I remember hating my legs. They were 'too chunky'. I would always wear jeans because of that. Fast forward 10 years later and look at me wearing dresses showing off my lil plus size pins! 

Self love takes time. I've always been a bit of a narcissist so for me the path to body positivity was kind of on fast forward haha
I've always wanted to discuss the road to body positivity but I've never known where to begin and how to structure what I want to say because theres a lot to cover. If you have any suggestions, let me know and maybe I can start a blog series of questions or something? Idk, but lets do something fun!

Dress: Jayjays  // Bag: Equip  //  Shoes: Melissa  //  Necklaces: Tiffany & Co + Nameplate necklace

Peter Alexander Introduces Plus Size!

Today I'm at home in bed sick and sniffly wearing the comfiest PJ's I own. I exclusively wear Peter Alexander pyjamas because they're comfy, affordable and so damn adorable! I had heard that PA would be introducing a plus size range but didn't know any more than that. This morning after sneezing about 47 times in a row then scrolling through Instagram, I saw it. The confirmation. The plus size range was on the shelves! YAAASSS!

I am absolutely LIVING for this photoshoot! The styling is great (as usual) and I'm loving most of the pieces they have on offer so far. 

I have told many, MANY plus size girl to not rule out Peter Alexander's regular range because it is often extremely accommodating. Their regular range goes up to a XL and sometimes XXL which can sometimes fit up to a sz 22 to 24. It just depends on the fabric and cut. I'm a MASSIVE fan of their 'waffle' pants and t-shirt style nighties and when I was a size 20 to 22 I would still be able to wear the XL comfortably, so don't rule out the straight sizes, OK! This new plus size range is going up to a sz 24 and I'm positive that if you're a larger size than that, the same thing will apply for you. Suss out the cut and fabric and I'm sure there will be options for you within this range too.

 Some of my faves from the collection...

P.A. PLUS CHECK FLANNELETTE LEGWARMER PJ PANT

P.A. PLUS PRETTY IN PEONY PJ SET

P.A PLUS GREY MARLE LEGGING

P.A. PLUS BUFFALO CHECK FLANNELETTE PJ SET

P.A. PLUS GREY CHECK FLANNELETTE NIGHTSHIRT

P.A. PLUS LATTICE FLORAL HAREM PJ PANT

P.A. PLUS WOVEN FLANNELETTE BACK SLEEP TEE

While I'm super excited about the new range, its kind of bittersweet for me. I can fit into even more stuff if their straight size range now, but my lil baby belly is slowly growing so I can't really buy much that isn't maternity wear. Let me live vicariously through you all with this collection until this baby comes out and I can start shopping at PA again haha

See the whole collection at peteralexander.com.au

Get Your Uterus Checked, Gurl!

I have had a number of women contact me since announcing my pregnancy about how they were in a similar position to me and are trying to get pregnant and my post had given them hope. With each message I cried. Most of the women had PCOS and were told to lose weight to get pregnant or were overweight and told losing weight would assist in falling pregnant so they were/have turned to weight loss surgery to help. I feel both of these sides because I was pretty much told the same thing.

Diagram from The Period Blog

I was given a run around by a number of doctors and specialists saying yes I do have PCOS and no I do not have PCOS. I couldn't get a straight answer. At one point I was told that I borderline had PCOS but the doctor said she would say that I did due to my weight.... Uh what. PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

An extract taken from betterhealth.vic.gov.au



SYMPTOMS OF POLYCYSTIC OVARIAN SYNDROME

Women who have PCOS my experience:

• Irregular menstrual cycles - menstruation may be less or more frequent due to less frequent ovulation (production of an egg)
• Amenorrhoea (No periods) - some women with PCOS do not menstruate, in some cases for many years
• Excessive hair growth and acne - possibly due to increased free testosterone
• Scalp hair loss
• Reduced fertility - (Difficulty in becoming pregnant) Related to less frequent or absent ovulation
• Mood changes - including anxiety and depression
• Obesity

Now when it came to my own situation most of the symptoms seemed to relate to me at first glance but no one cared to keep digging a little more.

• Irregular menstrual cycles - I told my doctors I had long cycles. The 'normal' cycle is 28 days but mine were about 32 to 33 days long. They saw this as a symptom, BUT IT IS NOT. My periods were regular, they were just longer than 'normal'
• Excessive hair growth and acne - I'm European. I have darker hair on my face and have dark arm hair too. That's genetics, NOT a symptom. 
• Mood changes - It was listed in my medical history that I once had depression but have been completely fine and off any medication for 3-4 years. My irrelevant medical history is NOT a symptom
• Obesity - I am visibly fat therefore it is always assumed something is wrong with my health. I can assure you, my fatness doesn't impact my health and even the doctors have a look of shock on them when they check my blood test results each time. My fatness doesn't tell you jack shit about my health and whats going on inside my body. My fatness is NOT a symptom.

I finally was told to get an ultrasound done. It showed some cysts on my ovaries but nothing major. I had something like 16 small cysts on each ovary. One doctor said up to about 15 cysts is 'normal' and another said normal ovaries shouldn't have any cysts. Again, what?.. The ultrasound also showed that I had ovulated in the last few days which was excellent timing because it showed that I could in fact ovulate. The bit that threw everyone was that I had cervical polyps. They technically fall under the category of a tumor but they're mostly non cancerous and are a bit more like a skin tag but in your cervix or uterus. I had one basically blocking the entrance to my uterus as well as a few in my uterus, so I needed surgery to have them removed.

I ended up seeing a 'specialist' to see when I could have the surgery and she was ok but I wasn't 100% about her. Then when explaining what would happen in the surgery she said that she would have to take a sample from the side of my uterus to do further tests and make sure everything is ok. I thought that was completely reasonable but then she went on to say that theres a possibility that she could puncture my uterus while doing that... 'but dont worry, it will heal and you wont have any issues later on'... Again...WHAT?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL THESE DOCTORS FFS?!

I found another specialist and am happy to say he is the fricking bomb dot com! His name is Dr Samuel Soo and he's based in the Melbourne CBD at the Epworth Hospital. If you're in Melbourne and need a Gyno, he's your man. I went to him and told him what all the doctors had said and he was one seriously no nonsense guy and told me straight up why they may have said those things and why they were wrong about it all. I had my surgery with him and it went really well (obviously coz I'm pregnant haha).

Now, I know my situation is different to you ladies that do have PCOS so I don't want to say 'if you potentially have PCOS its going to be all good', because everyones situation is different but I do want to make sure you all get yourselves thoroughly checked and have a doctor you can trust on your side. If you don't feel what a doctor is telling you is correct, go to a different doctor! If I hadn't have kept insisting that I didn't think I had PCOS and just tried to lose weight and hope that would help, I wouldn't have found out that I had something completely different and fixable. 

My main tips for anyone in a similar situation are:

- Keep track of your periods and get one of those period tracker apps where you can see how long your cycles are and how regular your periods are.

- Keep track of any symptoms you may be having that are out of the ordinary for you

- PERSIST. Do not be afraid to see multiple doctors because doctors aren't always right.

- Try and get an ultrasound of your uterus and if anything should be off, see a reputable gynecologist. 

- If you don't have private health insurance, start trying to save money for the surgery (If you may need surgery to remove cysts or polyps). It cost me about $6,000 for surgeon/hospital fees. If you go through the public system you get put on a wait list to get it done for free but you could be waiting over a year. 

Also, please remember if you are choosing to lose weight to assist in your situation, that weight loss may not necessarily be the answer. Weight loss can sometimes assist in balancing your hormone levels and increasing fertility but if there is something underlying that hasn't been discovered yet, the weight loss wont have contributed to anything except for you losing weight. So please, if you're losing weight but still aren't falling pregnant it probably is not your weight,  so don't beat yourself up about it and just get your uterus checked, gurl!

As always, if you have any questions don't be afraid to ask or email me.

Neon Spots

Well well! My first outfit post since my pregnancy hiatus haha 

The past few months have been super rough for me. The best way I can describe it is that its been like the worst hangover you've ever had... for nearly three months straight. I have been so sick and nauseous that I haven't wanted to do anything and when I did want to do stuff, I didn't have the energy to. That included looking at all forms of social media. You wouldn't think holding your phone and scrolling would take up energy, but holy shit it really burns up your mental energy. I cut down my use of social media drastically and couldn't really explain why, so It made me feel like a bit of a jerk because I wasn't really posting things and I wasn't really responding to people. I'm trying to make my way through the messages I've received in that time so forgive me if I haven't written back!

While I may not be feeling 100% better and still not completely out of this nausea slump, my mind feels like it can focus on other things again. I've been absolutely dying to try new outfits and go shopping for maternity clothes! Since I was feeling so poorly I pretty much wore the same thing every day at home and when I would have to go out of the house and look presentable, I would wear the same outfit. You could find me in either slouchy PJ's or a stretchy shift dress. I didn't realise how much my body had transformed from the weight loss so now that I've started trying to change up what I'm wearing, I've realised nothing fits me anymore and everything is getting really baggy! It's so weird! It's also super frustrating because I cant really buy anything new because my belly is going to keep growing so I don't know what shape I'll be in the next 9 months haha

I'm going to be needing A LOT of stretchy clothes to take me through the next few months!

I'm excited to start shopping for some clothes that will transition from maternity wear to regular wear but don't know where to start looking! If you know of any physical stores in Australia that sell cute maternity wear, let me know!

Dress: Country Road  //  Thongs: Havianas

Pregnancy Diaries - 0 to 13 weeks The First Trimester Fun Times

I'm bummed I didn't start this sooner but I'll add what I can remember from before the 7 week mark. This will just be a series of things I type up randomly throughout the day each week. It will be disjointed but I'll try and add dates when I can remember.

Sam and I found out I was pregnant the day after my period was due. We had mentioned it that morning thinking what would be do about travelling if we had a baby. I remembered I had some pregnancy tests left over from a little while back so I thought why the hell not, lets see if it's happened this quickly. It came back positive. Uh. What?... I called out to Sam and showed him the test. We could not believe it. I had literally only recovered from the surgery on my uterus like a month before. Surely it was wrong. I took another test a few hours later to make sure and it was positive again! We almost burst with excitement and I booked in with the doctor for a blood test to be triple sure. Yep, blood test came back and I was definitely pregnant! I had been waiting so fricking long to hear those words, you don't even understand. It still doesn't feel real. I'm still shocked that this happened so quickly after my surgery! I just cant believe it!

A few weeks pass and I was excited that I wasn't having any bad symptoms. My body was like LOL SUCKED IN and the nausea began. Everything started making me want to throw up. The thought of food started to repulse me. I had also started taking Elevit as soon as I found out I was pregnant and now, doing some research on it, people have mentioned that they were seeing it as the cause of their enhanced nauseous feelings. Ugh. For the last two weeks (when I'm writing this paragraph it's Friday the 5th of Feb and today I am 7 weeks pregnant) I've been feeling sick non stop! I had only vomit once and that was truly a terrifying experience. I haven't vomit since I was about 11 years old and its a big fear of mine. I cried. A lot.  There were a few borderline vomits where it felt like I was about to but it was more my mind messing with me. Seriously every food I can think of makes me feel sick. I force down some Weetbix every morning and the rest of the day I have to play it by ear. I've felt so horrible and upset about not being able to eat anything because I want the baby to have a lot of nutrients but my god I can't stomach anything. Every food I try to force down makes me want to vomit. I'm capable of eating and the lapband isn't being restrictive but everything tastes like shit. Except orange juice. OJ is good. But its not food. I feel hungry but cant frigging eat. That's my problem right now. UGH. Come on little baby and give me some cravings for things so I can want to eat!!

So its been a while since writing that last paragraph and I'm now 11 weeks and 6 days pregnant (Today is the 10th of March) and life has been hell, not gunna lie. My nausea only eased up a few days ago and now all I'm eating is Corn Flakes. I literally had it for all 3 meals yesterday. Eventhough the nausea is easing it doesn't mean I can eat more. Almost everything is still repulsive, its just that I can walk past a restaurant without wanting to vomit, I can listen to ads on the radio about food without wanting to vomit and I can go to the supermarket without feeling like I'm going to vomit. It hasn't been like I had thought being pregnant would be. It's been so textbook for me. Every frigging typical thing that happens in the early stages of pregnancy has been happening. It's been so hard because sometimes things will happen and I don't know if it's lapband related or pregnancy related which stresses me out. A few weeks ago I went to my lapband doctor from having stomach/chest pains and elevated nausea and had 1ml taken out of my band (I was at 4mls, now I'm at 3mls, which is practically nothing) and I swear to god it was like the pain disappeared right away. Apparently that happens when you're preg and have the band so they suggest you take out some fluid in the first trimester, then in the second you can add a tiny bit of fill and then in the third trimester they play it by ear and see how you're feeling (a lot of women get fill taken out/complete unfills). I knew this was the case but I figured because I didn't have that much fill anyway it wouldn't be a big deal... I was so wrong haha.
So what else has been wrong with me?.. I haven't been able to sleep comfortably and have started waking up at 4 to 5 am to pee and I have bad dreams most nights which is weird because I would never really dream at all previously. I'm exhausted 100% of the time and feel like a useless piece of shit 100% of the time. I get so exhausted that when I shower I start feeling faint halfway through and have to get out and sit down then continue the shower when I feel I can stand again. This goes for most activities too. Any kind of household cleaning or whatever is exhausting. Walking and standing are exhausting. People say to try and excersize but I can barely walk the stretch of the house without wanting to collapse so idk how that would work. When I stand up my eyes blur and I feel faint for a sec. I think I maybe get up 'too fast', but I move like a frigging snail so how bloody slow am I meant to get up?! Um, what else?... My nails seem to be growing fast and my hair is falling out like there is no tomorrow. I'm moulting so much that I will have two to three handfulls of hair by the time I'm done showering. It's absolutely disgusting. My skin has become extremely dry and flaky and gross too.
Oh, another major thing that has happened is that I have lost nearly 10kg since the start of this pregnancy. That freaks me out and really upsets me. It makes me feel like I'm not helping my baby at all. Its been from the issue with the band and the nausea. I just haven't been able to eat properly because I've felt so sick, so I know thats why, but I try and remember that its good that I could keep what food I did eat down because if I was vomiting it would be a lot worse. I started this pregnancy at 96kg and got down to 87kg. I'm back up at 88 or 89kg which is slightly relieving but still annoying to me. I would read about women with lapband being pregnant and starting/finishing their pregnancy at the same weight and apparently thats all ok as long as the baby is growing as it should be but I still cant kick this guilt. Its not like I intended on losing weight, I wanted to GAIN some weight during this time because I know thats what should happen! Its just been pretty distressing for me to be honest. This whole fucking lack of food and weight loss stuff happening has been the bane of my life the last 2 months. I just can't wait til the happy stuff starts to happen! Tomorrow we're going for the 12 week ultrasound so I'm just praying that everything is ok with the baby after the rollercoaster of a first trimester I've had.


So its a few days after the ultrasound now and everything went great! Seeing the baby was absolute magic, I cant even begin to explain! I was getting so nervous that because I hadn't been eating well enough that the baby wouldn't be ok but it's growing like it should be and its looking good! They had to get a particular view of the baby for a test but the baby wasn't cooperating. The view on the screen was rotating and at first we thought it was the ultrasound tech changing the angle of the view but then we realised it was the baby rolling around and stretching! My heart fricking burst when I saw that! It was just moving and wriggling and having a little party haha I could have watched it all day! We eventually got the view we needed but it was so good to see that baby is active and doing really well. I cant wait til we get to do another ultrasound!

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Now that the first trimester is over and things are going to start becoming slightly more intense, I may do weekly diary entries or one over a few weeks depending on what has been going on.
If you're pregnant as well, let me know so we can go through this together!

Baby Lyons Due September 2016!

We're having a baby!
It's been a long time coming and it has been killing me not having been able to tell anyone!
Little baby Lyons is due September 2016 and we can not wait!

I've been holding back on blogging for a number of reasons but mostly because a lot of what I want to talk about is pregnancy related, so now that the cats out of the bag I'll be back to regular scheduled programming.