Selfishness in Pregnancy

In this pregnancy, I have become really selfish.
All I have wanted to do is cross stitch, chill out at home, go out for lunch with Sam and hang out with my family. Apparently that is selfish. I have been 'neglecting' social media. I still scroll through my instagram feed and check snapchats and stuff but only quickly and mostly while on the toilet (not gunna lie. As if you don't do it too). I just don't like picking up my phone anymore. I realised that I had become so attached to my phone and didn't want to carry a bad habit into motherhood. I found that I was opening instagram, scrolling through everything, closing the app and then reopening it right away without thinking. I had to stop!

Since my work contract finished up a couple of months ago (a bit earlier than I had expected), I knew I needed to use this time for me exclusively. I don't know how motherhood will change me and the way that my routines work and the things that I'll do in the day so I figured I had to use the time before baby is here to be as gluttonous for relaxation as possible. So far it has been absolutely fucking amazing. I went through a period in my life where I was unemployed for a while and I got so bored and restless that I became severely depressed. I feared that would happen again this time and not having a job or any real responsibilities would make me go crazy, but it has been the complete opposite. I take my sweet time with anything I do right now and it's just super refreshing not feeling rushed or pressured. I know this may all change once baby is here so I'll try not to get too used to it but for now I'm enjoying the selfishness.

As I said, I haven't been too present on social media, and I don't know how present I will be in the future, so we'll just have to see how we go.

Til next time...

Leopard By The River

I thought in this pregnancy I would be so keen to dress really cute and show off my bump but in reality all I've wanted to do is sit in my pjs. I will wear pj's whenever I possibly can. My look is not as glam as I was expecting it to be haha
A couple of weeks ago Sam and I went out for lunch because I was having some mad cravings for a chicken burger. But it had to be from this one cafe on the other side of town. No other chicken burger was acceptable. Being the sweetheart he is, he obliged. After lunch we went to sit and relax by the Yarra River, so of course I made him take a few bump photos in front of the beautiful backdrop.

The belly is growing and has grown a bit more since then but it's still pretty tiny! It feels like I could still hide the bump if I wanted to which makes me laugh. Whenever I pictured myself as pregnant I would see myself with a massive belly wearing beautiful flowy dresses but it's been the opposite. Teeny belly and bodycon dresses. Maybe I'll look like what I was picturing at the end of my pregnancy...

I have been slack with all forms of social media but thats not to say I haven't been thinking about blogging. I have a few things I've been wanting to post about but every time I go to write anything it feels like my mind turns to mush so it's felt exceptionally hard especially because I haven't been getting 'dressed up' to take accompanying outfit photos. I'll see how I go but I'm not going to put pressure on myself to post content. Going to take all this stuff as it comes.

Dress: ASOS Maternity  //  Stockings: Sonsee  //  Boots: Vera Wang at Harris Scarfe

Orthodox Easter OOTD featuring THE BUMP!

The baby belly is appearing! Slowly but surely its growing and growing and I couldn't be more excited! If you follow me on Instagram you may have seen me air my worries and frustrations at not having noticed a change in my belly and not having felt any movements yet, but I'm so happy to tell you that my worries are all gone now! Last week I felt (for sure, 100%, definitely) baby move! It was absolutely bizarre and wonderful and I can only imagine how much more brilliant its going to be when baby is bigger and I can feel more defined movements.





The past few weeks have been really great! I finished up at my temp job and have started to nest..or try to at least. Trying to find things to fill the nursery with on a small budget within the style that I'm wanting is proving to be really annoying. Seems like most nursery furniture easily available is very modern or Danish style and thats not really my thing. I was hoping to find more cool vintage type things in op shops but I'm just not having any luck. If anyone knows of any places in Melbourne I could suss out, please let me know!
It was also Orthodox Easter a couple of weekends ago (when these photos were taken) so we spent the day with family having a traditional Easter feast, but I'll post more about that fun stuff separately. It's been really great getting to spend a lot of time with family recently.





Do you celebrate Othodox Easter? What did you get up to?

Cardigan: Sussan  //  Dress: Kmart  //  Boots: Kmart

Necklace: Tiffany & Co  //  Pantyhose: Sonsee

Hello Casual ft Ruby & Lilli

My girls at Ruby & Lilli are coming back to Melbourne! YAAS! Since I've been a bit MIA on social media I'm a little bit delayed with my intake of news haha
Ruby & Lilli will be at the A+ Markets being held at Queen Victoria Market. Here's the facebook event link for anyone interested in coming along.








This tee is currently on sale along with a whole bunch of their classic tees and I. AM. DYINGGGG. There are like 6 tees that I'm dying to get that are also on sale. My bank account is just there like 'pls don't, you've been so good'..Idk. I might just wait til the A+ Markets...But we'll see haha








What's my blog without a little bit of Kitengi? She's my lil sweetheart that can be a bit camera shy but she was all about the cuddles this time.

Tee: Ruby & Lilli  //  Jeans: Forever 21  //  Thongs: Havianas

Red, White and Blue

Oh the joys of being pregnant. Your immune system turns to crap and even if you so much as look at someone with a cold, BAM! You've caught it. I'm a sniffly, gross mess right now so I figured it would make me feel slightly less crappy posting a summery OOTD from a time where I wasn't a snifflebag.

Sometimes you have to sacrifice something in order to make your outfit feel whole. In this case, I sacrificed a practical handbag so I could wear this one that barely fits my phone and purse. Worth it.

These photos were taken not very long ago when I was a little less pregnant and a little more fat and the sun could set your skin on fire. I don't miss the heat but I do miss it being warm enough to wear dresses with bare legs. Most of the time I forget that there are still a lot of plus size girls that have a fear of showing their bare legs. I guess I got so comfortable in my body that I can be a little ignorant to peoples insecurities and expect them to love their beautiful selves like they deserve to. It's a process that can take time. Sometimes a lot of time. I forget the insecurities I had growing up. I remember hating my legs. They were 'too chunky'. I would always wear jeans because of that. Fast forward 10 years later and look at me wearing dresses showing off my lil plus size pins! 

Self love takes time. I've always been a bit of a narcissist so for me the path to body positivity was kind of on fast forward haha
I've always wanted to discuss the road to body positivity but I've never known where to begin and how to structure what I want to say because theres a lot to cover. If you have any suggestions, let me know and maybe I can start a blog series of questions or something? Idk, but lets do something fun!

Dress: Jayjays  // Bag: Equip  //  Shoes: Melissa  //  Necklaces: Tiffany & Co + Nameplate necklace

Peter Alexander Introduces Plus Size!

Today I'm at home in bed sick and sniffly wearing the comfiest PJ's I own. I exclusively wear Peter Alexander pyjamas because they're comfy, affordable and so damn adorable! I had heard that PA would be introducing a plus size range but didn't know any more than that. This morning after sneezing about 47 times in a row then scrolling through Instagram, I saw it. The confirmation. The plus size range was on the shelves! YAAASSS!

I am absolutely LIVING for this photoshoot! The styling is great (as usual) and I'm loving most of the pieces they have on offer so far. 

I have told many, MANY plus size girl to not rule out Peter Alexander's regular range because it is often extremely accommodating. Their regular range goes up to a XL and sometimes XXL which can sometimes fit up to a sz 22 to 24. It just depends on the fabric and cut. I'm a MASSIVE fan of their 'waffle' pants and t-shirt style nighties and when I was a size 20 to 22 I would still be able to wear the XL comfortably, so don't rule out the straight sizes, OK! This new plus size range is going up to a sz 24 and I'm positive that if you're a larger size than that, the same thing will apply for you. Suss out the cut and fabric and I'm sure there will be options for you within this range too.

 Some of my faves from the collection...

P.A. PLUS CHECK FLANNELETTE LEGWARMER PJ PANT

P.A. PLUS PRETTY IN PEONY PJ SET

P.A PLUS GREY MARLE LEGGING

P.A. PLUS BUFFALO CHECK FLANNELETTE PJ SET

P.A. PLUS GREY CHECK FLANNELETTE NIGHTSHIRT

P.A. PLUS LATTICE FLORAL HAREM PJ PANT

P.A. PLUS WOVEN FLANNELETTE BACK SLEEP TEE

While I'm super excited about the new range, its kind of bittersweet for me. I can fit into even more stuff if their straight size range now, but my lil baby belly is slowly growing so I can't really buy much that isn't maternity wear. Let me live vicariously through you all with this collection until this baby comes out and I can start shopping at PA again haha

See the whole collection at peteralexander.com.au

Get Your Uterus Checked, Gurl!

I have had a number of women contact me since announcing my pregnancy about how they were in a similar position to me and are trying to get pregnant and my post had given them hope. With each message I cried. Most of the women had PCOS and were told to lose weight to get pregnant or were overweight and told losing weight would assist in falling pregnant so they were/have turned to weight loss surgery to help. I feel both of these sides because I was pretty much told the same thing.

Diagram from The Period Blog

I was given a run around by a number of doctors and specialists saying yes I do have PCOS and no I do not have PCOS. I couldn't get a straight answer. At one point I was told that I borderline had PCOS but the doctor said she would say that I did due to my weight.... Uh what. PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.

An extract taken from betterhealth.vic.gov.au



SYMPTOMS OF POLYCYSTIC OVARIAN SYNDROME

Women who have PCOS my experience:

• Irregular menstrual cycles - menstruation may be less or more frequent due to less frequent ovulation (production of an egg)
• Amenorrhoea (No periods) - some women with PCOS do not menstruate, in some cases for many years
• Excessive hair growth and acne - possibly due to increased free testosterone
• Scalp hair loss
• Reduced fertility - (Difficulty in becoming pregnant) Related to less frequent or absent ovulation
• Mood changes - including anxiety and depression
• Obesity

Now when it came to my own situation most of the symptoms seemed to relate to me at first glance but no one cared to keep digging a little more.

• Irregular menstrual cycles - I told my doctors I had long cycles. The 'normal' cycle is 28 days but mine were about 32 to 33 days long. They saw this as a symptom, BUT IT IS NOT. My periods were regular, they were just longer than 'normal'
• Excessive hair growth and acne - I'm European. I have darker hair on my face and have dark arm hair too. That's genetics, NOT a symptom. 
• Mood changes - It was listed in my medical history that I once had depression but have been completely fine and off any medication for 3-4 years. My irrelevant medical history is NOT a symptom
• Obesity - I am visibly fat therefore it is always assumed something is wrong with my health. I can assure you, my fatness doesn't impact my health and even the doctors have a look of shock on them when they check my blood test results each time. My fatness doesn't tell you jack shit about my health and whats going on inside my body. My fatness is NOT a symptom.

I finally was told to get an ultrasound done. It showed some cysts on my ovaries but nothing major. I had something like 16 small cysts on each ovary. One doctor said up to about 15 cysts is 'normal' and another said normal ovaries shouldn't have any cysts. Again, what?.. The ultrasound also showed that I had ovulated in the last few days which was excellent timing because it showed that I could in fact ovulate. The bit that threw everyone was that I had cervical polyps. They technically fall under the category of a tumor but they're mostly non cancerous and are a bit more like a skin tag but in your cervix or uterus. I had one basically blocking the entrance to my uterus as well as a few in my uterus, so I needed surgery to have them removed.

I ended up seeing a 'specialist' to see when I could have the surgery and she was ok but I wasn't 100% about her. Then when explaining what would happen in the surgery she said that she would have to take a sample from the side of my uterus to do further tests and make sure everything is ok. I thought that was completely reasonable but then she went on to say that theres a possibility that she could puncture my uterus while doing that... 'but dont worry, it will heal and you wont have any issues later on'... Again...WHAT?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL THESE DOCTORS FFS?!

I found another specialist and am happy to say he is the fricking bomb dot com! His name is Dr Samuel Soo and he's based in the Melbourne CBD at the Epworth Hospital. If you're in Melbourne and need a Gyno, he's your man. I went to him and told him what all the doctors had said and he was one seriously no nonsense guy and told me straight up why they may have said those things and why they were wrong about it all. I had my surgery with him and it went really well (obviously coz I'm pregnant haha).

Now, I know my situation is different to you ladies that do have PCOS so I don't want to say 'if you potentially have PCOS its going to be all good', because everyones situation is different but I do want to make sure you all get yourselves thoroughly checked and have a doctor you can trust on your side. If you don't feel what a doctor is telling you is correct, go to a different doctor! If I hadn't have kept insisting that I didn't think I had PCOS and just tried to lose weight and hope that would help, I wouldn't have found out that I had something completely different and fixable. 

My main tips for anyone in a similar situation are:

- Keep track of your periods and get one of those period tracker apps where you can see how long your cycles are and how regular your periods are.

- Keep track of any symptoms you may be having that are out of the ordinary for you

- PERSIST. Do not be afraid to see multiple doctors because doctors aren't always right.

- Try and get an ultrasound of your uterus and if anything should be off, see a reputable gynecologist. 

- If you don't have private health insurance, start trying to save money for the surgery (If you may need surgery to remove cysts or polyps). It cost me about $6,000 for surgeon/hospital fees. If you go through the public system you get put on a wait list to get it done for free but you could be waiting over a year. 

Also, please remember if you are choosing to lose weight to assist in your situation, that weight loss may not necessarily be the answer. Weight loss can sometimes assist in balancing your hormone levels and increasing fertility but if there is something underlying that hasn't been discovered yet, the weight loss wont have contributed to anything except for you losing weight. So please, if you're losing weight but still aren't falling pregnant it probably is not your weight,  so don't beat yourself up about it and just get your uterus checked, gurl!

As always, if you have any questions don't be afraid to ask or email me.