Pregnancy Diaries - 0 to 13 weeks The First Trimester Fun Times

Monday, 28 March 2016

I'm bummed I didn't start this sooner but I'll add what I can remember from before the 7 week mark. This will just be a series of things I type up randomly throughout the day each week. It will be disjointed but I'll try and add dates when I can remember.

Sam and I found out I was pregnant the day after my period was due. We had mentioned it that morning thinking what would be do about travelling if we had a baby. I remembered I had some pregnancy tests left over from a little while back so I thought why the hell not, lets see if it's happened this quickly. It came back positive. Uh. What?... I called out to Sam and showed him the test. We could not believe it. I had literally only recovered from the surgery on my uterus like a month before. Surely it was wrong. I took another test a few hours later to make sure and it was positive again! We almost burst with excitement and I booked in with the doctor for a blood test to be triple sure. Yep, blood test came back and I was definitely pregnant! I had been waiting so fricking long to hear those words, you don't even understand. It still doesn't feel real. I'm still shocked that this happened so quickly after my surgery! I just cant believe it!

A few weeks pass and I was excited that I wasn't having any bad symptoms. My body was like LOL SUCKED IN and the nausea began. Everything started making me want to throw up. The thought of food started to repulse me. I had also started taking Elevit as soon as I found out I was pregnant and now, doing some research on it, people have mentioned that they were seeing it as the cause of their enhanced nauseous feelings. Ugh. For the last two weeks (when I'm writing this paragraph it's Friday the 5th of Feb and today I am 7 weeks pregnant) I've been feeling sick non stop! I had only vomit once and that was truly a terrifying experience. I haven't vomit since I was about 11 years old and its a big fear of mine. I cried. A lot.  There were a few borderline vomits where it felt like I was about to but it was more my mind messing with me. Seriously every food I can think of makes me feel sick. I force down some Weetbix every morning and the rest of the day I have to play it by ear. I've felt so horrible and upset about not being able to eat anything because I want the baby to have a lot of nutrients but my god I can't stomach anything. Every food I try to force down makes me want to vomit. I'm capable of eating and the lapband isn't being restrictive but everything tastes like shit. Except orange juice. OJ is good. But its not food. I feel hungry but cant frigging eat. That's my problem right now. UGH. Come on little baby and give me some cravings for things so I can want to eat!!

So its been a while since writing that last paragraph and I'm now 11 weeks and 6 days pregnant (Today is the 10th of March) and life has been hell, not gunna lie. My nausea only eased up a few days ago and now all I'm eating is Corn Flakes. I literally had it for all 3 meals yesterday. Eventhough the nausea is easing it doesn't mean I can eat more. Almost everything is still repulsive, its just that I can walk past a restaurant without wanting to vomit, I can listen to ads on the radio about food without wanting to vomit and I can go to the supermarket without feeling like I'm going to vomit. It hasn't been like I had thought being pregnant would be. It's been so textbook for me. Every frigging typical thing that happens in the early stages of pregnancy has been happening. It's been so hard because sometimes things will happen and I don't know if it's lapband related or pregnancy related which stresses me out. A few weeks ago I went to my lapband doctor from having stomach/chest pains and elevated nausea and had 1ml taken out of my band (I was at 4mls, now I'm at 3mls, which is practically nothing) and I swear to god it was like the pain disappeared right away. Apparently that happens when you're preg and have the band so they suggest you take out some fluid in the first trimester, then in the second you can add a tiny bit of fill and then in the third trimester they play it by ear and see how you're feeling (a lot of women get fill taken out/complete unfills). I knew this was the case but I figured because I didn't have that much fill anyway it wouldn't be a big deal... I was so wrong haha.
So what else has been wrong with me?.. I haven't been able to sleep comfortably and have started waking up at 4 to 5 am to pee and I have bad dreams most nights which is weird because I would never really dream at all previously. I'm exhausted 100% of the time and feel like a useless piece of shit 100% of the time. I get so exhausted that when I shower I start feeling faint halfway through and have to get out and sit down then continue the shower when I feel I can stand again. This goes for most activities too. Any kind of household cleaning or whatever is exhausting. Walking and standing are exhausting. People say to try and excersize but I can barely walk the stretch of the house without wanting to collapse so idk how that would work. When I stand up my eyes blur and I feel faint for a sec. I think I maybe get up 'too fast', but I move like a frigging snail so how bloody slow am I meant to get up?! Um, what else?... My nails seem to be growing fast and my hair is falling out like there is no tomorrow. I'm moulting so much that I will have two to three handfulls of hair by the time I'm done showering. It's absolutely disgusting. My skin has become extremely dry and flaky and gross too.
Oh, another major thing that has happened is that I have lost nearly 10kg since the start of this pregnancy. That freaks me out and really upsets me. It makes me feel like I'm not helping my baby at all. Its been from the issue with the band and the nausea. I just haven't been able to eat properly because I've felt so sick, so I know thats why, but I try and remember that its good that I could keep what food I did eat down because if I was vomiting it would be a lot worse. I started this pregnancy at 96kg and got down to 87kg. I'm back up at 88 or 89kg which is slightly relieving but still annoying to me. I would read about women with lapband being pregnant and starting/finishing their pregnancy at the same weight and apparently thats all ok as long as the baby is growing as it should be but I still cant kick this guilt. Its not like I intended on losing weight, I wanted to GAIN some weight during this time because I know thats what should happen! Its just been pretty distressing for me to be honest. This whole fucking lack of food and weight loss stuff happening has been the bane of my life the last 2 months. I just can't wait til the happy stuff starts to happen! Tomorrow we're going for the 12 week ultrasound so I'm just praying that everything is ok with the baby after the rollercoaster of a first trimester I've had.

So its a few days after the ultrasound now and everything went great! Seeing the baby was absolute magic, I cant even begin to explain! I was getting so nervous that because I hadn't been eating well enough that the baby wouldn't be ok but it's growing like it should be and its looking good! They had to get a particular view of the baby for a test but the baby wasn't cooperating. The view on the screen was rotating and at first we thought it was the ultrasound tech changing the angle of the view but then we realised it was the baby rolling around and stretching! My heart fricking burst when I saw that! It was just moving and wriggling and having a little party haha I could have watched it all day! We eventually got the view we needed but it was so good to see that baby is active and doing really well. I cant wait til we get to do another ultrasound!


Now that the first trimester is over and things are going to start becoming slightly more intense, I may do weekly diary entries or one over a few weeks depending on what has been going on.
If you're pregnant as well, let me know so we can go through this together!

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