Why did I get Lapband? Why not other WLS?

Thursday, 10 December 2015

I was initially against WLS. Not actively against it but I didn't think it was a good option as I had heard some bad things. Back then I only knew one person who had lapland done and while she had lost a lot of weight she would vomit a lot and collapse a lot and has issues with her organs and all this bad shit. Then I'd hear about friends of friends of friends and just generally people who I didn't personally know get lapland and all I'd hear about them is how they've changed and they 'were so much prettier when they were fatter', and that just freaked me right out. What if I had surgery and then hated what I looked like later on? That was the turn off, so I never considered it again.
Earlier this year a friend of mine mentioned that she was considering getting lapband because it was something drastic. She would eat reasonably well and play sports and was generally more active than I am, but was not losing any weight. How she spoke about it peaked my interest. We recently had two mutual friends get lapband and lose a lot of weight and we were impressed. We hadn't heard any real negativity about it from them so it was seeming positive but I kind of left the idea of WLS in the back of my mind.

My husband and I have been trying for a baby with no success so far. I went to a doctor and had an ultrasound and blood test done to see what was wrong. Blood work was perfect. She was surprised that someone my size was doing so great with their health (really insulting, but whatever). Ultrasound showed up with a polyp in my uterus and 16 cysts on each ovary. She said, based on that and my weight, I have PCOS. This fucking broke me. You don't know how long I cried. It felt like a death sentence. I would have to try so hard to have a baby now when other people can sneeze and pop out fucking triplets. She said the best way to help this was to lose weight. Now as someone who started started dieting at 15 years old and had fluctuating weight and varying success in diets up until I quit dieting at the age of about 20, this felt like it was going to be tough. I could always stick to a diet and be really serious about it up until it ended. Usually I would only stop diets because we couldn't afford to keep paying for the special food or drinks or meetings or whatever so the diet would stop and I'd put back all the weight I lost. I just didn't know what I could try that I hadn't tried yet.

Now lets put my weight into perspective. Pre Op, at my highest weight I was 112kg. When I met my husband in 2008 I was 82kg. Back then that was my highest weight but thats when I started feeling truly comfortable in my own skin so the number was (and still is) irrelevant. In 7 years I gained 30kg. I'm only 160cm tall so I'm 'meant' to weigh from 47 to 64kg. Thats about half of what I weigh. My BMI is 43. It's not something I think about because I never look at the scales. I don't even own scales. I judge myself on how I feel and I've felt pretty fucking good, so why would I lose weight? Now I have a reason. I so desperately want a baby. Jesus. I'm already sobbing just having typed that. I HAVE to lose this weight because I don't want this to be the reason why I can't have a baby. My feelings about myself and my comfort have to take a backseat if I want this to work.

I looked into getting WLS. Gastric sleeving was out of the question because it's irreversible. I can't deal with that kind of commitment when not fully knowing how its going to be with eating post op. Lapland sounded great. In hindsight, I didn't look into it as much as I should've. I was only reading up about it medically but didn't really read forums too much because the whole diet talk and dieting community gives me anxiety and I would almost have a panic attack when I would start reading. The lapland procedure is easy and it's reversible, so if it didn't work out, its not going to ruin my life. All I kept hearing was 'you can still eat everything like you do now, but just much much smaller portions' (which is half a lie, there are certain things you can't handle eating, which happen to be my fave foods, but more on that later), and that was kind of the selling point. It's reversible and I could still eat. We've found a winner! Deciding to go with lapband felt like it would help me get what I want.

Back to the doctors and PCOS for a sec. I saw many different doctors and each had a different answer. It was always you don't have PCOS, you do have PCOS, you don't, you do, etc. I finally found a gyno that gave me the final say. I don't have PCOS because I have regular periods and I don't really have any other PCOS traits. I DO have cysts on my ovaries, but I don't have the syndrome. With weight loss, that aids your hormones to balance and for your body to stop 'making' those cysts. So losing weight will help that, and also, the obvious, decrease risks associated with a plus size pregnancy. I know fatter people have had babies with no problem at all, but I don't want to risk it. I'm doing this because realistically it was the fastest option. I've already waited this long, I didn't want to wait longer trying fad diets and then probably have to come to this conclusion later on. The perks of fitting into more clothes and things like that are just icing on the cake.

I already love myself and my weight is not in any way a hindrance to how I see myself, so don't get it twisted. If you're considering getting WLS, my other posts about it may be of more help to you but this was just my journey about why I chose Lapband. It isn't for everyone and I still don't know if its going to work out for me because I'm only 3 weeks into this journey, but if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask :)


  1. I must say that you are great struggler. You fight against your disease. I would love to share your inspiring real story with my patients. I am an infertility doctor and I have seen that maximum of the infertility cases are due to PCOS problem.
    polycystic ovarian disease treatment in India

    1. thank you! you can refrence my story but I ended up not having PCOS and was being misdiagnosed so I'm not sure how much help this would be to your patients